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Holiday stress and anxiety are real. In fact, many health experts believe that exceedingly high expectations for peace, love, and joy during the holiday season can negatively impact both your physical and mental health.
For example, common physical symptoms of holidays stress can show up in the form of headaches, insomnia, exhaustion, digestive, and respiratory issues, and much more. Stress can also lead to cardiovascular disease and heart attacks.
Stress.org
Men, the holiday season is upon us. First Thanksgiving and then Christmas. Even if you celebrate different holidays, the chances are that you are going to be spending holidays with your and/or your partners family. Chances are there are some people within the family groupings that you simply prefer not to have to deal with, putting it mildly. Acting like a five year old and not wanting to go is not the answer.
Family gatherings can bring you and them many fond memories. However, surprise, surprise! – There are usually challenges when extended families get together.
Perhaps you or other family members have conflicts. Maybe there’s a family member or friend at these gatherings that you simply don’t get along with. Whatever the case may be, there are certain actions you can take to help keep conflicts to a minimum during reunions, holidays, or special events.
How can you keep yourself together when getting together when spending time with family over the holidays?
Before a family feud starts at the next family gathering, here are some tips for you and for you to share with your partner:
1. Make Peace.
If there’s an ongoing conflict that can’t be resolved before the event, make it a point to put the whole thing on hold. There is very little if any chance that you will be able to resolve the conflict at the event. You must set your negative feelings aside for the time being and make up your mind to forget about it and enjoy yourself.
2. Remember The Good Times.
If there a particular person you know will be a challenge for you to deal with, try focusing on any of the good times that you had shared with them. Maybe you’ve known this person your whole life. There must be some good memories that you can focus on instead of the ones that are causing you trouble. Even if it was only a shared time and not specifically something they did for you, think about that. It’s not easy to be the BAM! Man in these situations, but in the end, if you do your best to take the high road, you’ll feel better about the whole situation.
3. Enjoy The Food, BUT Very IMPORTANT, Go Easy On The Drink.
While you definitely do not want to over indulge, food can be a good distraction. There may be quite a spread of appetizers, main courses, and dessert items.
- Grab some of your favorite foods and enjoy. Pace yourself, cowboy.
- Eat slow! It can help you keep your mind off of the family conflicts.
- The food may give you a chance to say something nice and pass a compliment to the person that made the food.
- If you can have a drink, know your limit and stay well under it.
- Although some holiday cheer can help take the edge off things, booze does not help in tense situations. Your guard goes down or your assertiveness goes up.
4. Address And Resolve Quietly.
If the challenge cannot be set aside, and it does come to bare, be sure to deal with the conflict one on one and with a cool head.
- If needed take it outside or to another room.
- If it can’t be resolved in the moment agree to further discuss the concern after the holidays.
Keep in mind that there is the greater good of the relationship between you and the rest of the family, and you do not want to be the one that goes down in the family history for starting a scene during that reunion or get-together.
5. Stay Away From Others’ Arguments.
Do your best to stay out of other people’s conflicts, even if you’re just trying to stick up for somebody. Put away you fixit cap and just stay out of it. Keep quiet. Adding more fuel to the fire rarely if ever helps. Allow the people involved with the conflict to work out the situation for themselves. However, if it involves your partner, see Tips 9 and 10.
6. Take A Breather.
If things start to get too heated for your tastes, temporarily remove yourself from the situation. You can take the dog outside for a walk or play with the little ones. It may be just what you need in order to clear your head and calm down. Decide to put aside your differences until the end of the party, or work out your problem in a way that doesn’t involve fighting.
7. Avoid The Turbulent Topics.
If you know that certain topics of conversation are likely to cause a stir, make sure that you don’t bring them up. Do not go looking to push buttons. If someone else brings up one of these forbidden topics, see what you can do to change the subject before the matter escalates into something worse.
8. Adopt The BAM! Man Attitude.
You might be tempted to go to events with a negative attitude. It’s understandable, especially if you’re going to be crossing paths with people that often try to cause conflicts. But if you focus on an optimistic attitude before you even approach these events, you may be able to get through them with a smile. As has been stated, you do not want to behave like a fiver-year old. You need to behave like a BAM! Man.
9. If You Go To A Holiday Event With Your Partner Have The Ground-Rules In Place Beforehand…
Decide amongst yourselves when, if needed, is a time to back the other one up. If the possibility is there that your partner will get into it with someone there, decide if you come to their defense or stay the hell out of it. And them for you as well.
10. …And Have A Safe Word.
If you need to speak privately to your partner, or them with you, have a word or phrase to say so that you can both step aside and have the conversation without the need to make faces or demand a conversation in front of the rest of the people. If needed the safe word can signal that it is time to leave.
Section Conclusion
Family parties can be great events where you get to meet and catch up with people that you may only see once a year. Being together with some of them can be a meaningful experience. Being together with some of them can also be worse than a trip to the dentist. Focus on the good things about your family and this year, you should be able to survive all the togetherness without a Jerry Springer incident!
BAM! Be A Man. Do The Right Thing. Take Care Of Yourself And Your Family.
Keep On Reading For…
More Tips To Avoid Family Drama Throughout The Holiday Season
The holidays are a time for partaking in joyous celebration, tempting dishes, and enjoying the company of what should be your loving family. This is the Norman Rockwell ideal – The picture-perfect holiday sight, but most families live in a far more hectic reality. If you’re sick and tired of dealing with holiday drama year after year, this can be the year that you put a stop to your dreading holiday events.
What More Can You Do To Avoid Family Holiday Drama?
Try These Five Tips To Avoid Unnecessary Drama This Holiday Season:
1. The Early Bird Gets The Worm.
Bring up your ideas for holiday plans well in advance. In doing so, you avoid being bombarded with pushy suggestions about what others would like to see you do during the holidays.
- The safest time to approach your extended family with your desired holiday plans is in early fall. Any sooner and people are likely to forget your plans. Any later, and others will begin to approach you with their plans and ideas first.
2. Know What You Want And Need.
Are you tired of going to your mom’s house or your in-laws log cabin every Christmas? If so, bring it up. Know your wants, know your needs, and be firm about your decision.
- It’s perfectly within your rights to want to start your own holiday traditions. If your new tradition is to spend Christmas with just your spouse and children, so be it. Your parents have had their chance to create their memories, and now it’s your turn. Grab the opportunity!
3. However, You May Need To Compromise.
The holidays are about family. It’s important to have your wants met during the holiday festivities, but be willing to compromise just a little during the holidays to satisfy the needs of everyone in the family.
- For example, if you choose to have the holiday dinner at your place, an decent compromise could be to let the guests bring a decoration to add to your tree. But if you’re being forced into following someone else’s holiday traditions, stand your ground. Such a request isn’t a compromise; it’s an unfair demand.
4. The Great Turkey Debate And Food In General.
Many families debate about who gets to cook the turkey. But generally, the person who hosts the event in their home is responsible for cooking the turkey. If you can’t cook then let them bring theirs. You see, you are compromising already!
- If you have a preference speak with the family hosting you to ensure that you’re all on the same page. Ideally, one person will be in charge of baking the desserts. The hostess usually takes care of the turkey and décor, and the side dishes should be split up equally amongst willing family members. Again, if you cannot cook, let them know what you can bring.
- If you are vegan, vegetarian or have some other dietary requirements, make sure they know and if the people are coming to you, then you should know if any of them have requirements that may need to be met.
5. The Battle Of The Guest List (No, Not A Lost Episode From Game of Thrones).
Another common family tiff is battling over the guest list. Luckily, this debate boasts a simple fix: the family hosting the event are generally the ones who decide which guests can be invited. If the holiday is hosted at someone else’s house, do not impose on them by demanding that the they invite guests that aren’t on their guest list. You can ask, but…
- If you’re the one hosting the event and are receiving numerous requests to invite unwanted guests, simply say no. A simple, “this is an immediate family only event” will suffice. This response is short, inoffensive, and effective.
Conclusion
Life is not like they show it on TV. Most families have some level of dysfunctional holiday drama. Whether it’s an unruly teenager, a demanding mother-in-law, or a rivaling brother or sister that is always bragging and boasting about how great their life is, the power to end, or at least minimize any unnecessary drama and poor behavior is within your hands.
If the issues are with your partner and their family, be there for your partner.
The ultimate combination to putting a halt to holiday drama is a big helping of speaking up, a smattering of compromise on the little things, and just a touch of strength to stand your ground when absolutely needed. With the right mix of these ingredients, you can create a family holiday celebration that will be remembered for all the right reasons.
BAM! Be A Man. Do The Right Thing. Take Care Of Yourself And Your Family.
BAM! Be A Man. Do The Right Thing.
Be The DtRTy Guy!