How Will You Live Your Life?
Written By Bernard J. Polster. January 24, 2022
Background Check
I am sure that the many people that will read this blog have already seen the original Netflix movie, Tick, Tick… Boom! If you don’t know, Tick, Tick… Boom! (TTB) is the cinematic adaptation of the, mostly, one man, mostly, autobiographical show created by Jonathan Larson. TTB was directed by Lin-Manuel Miranda.
TTB is well acted with great music and a tells a great story about a truly great young man. If you do not know who Jonathan Larson is, do not Google him until after you have watched TTB. If you have not watched TTB yet, there may be spoilers here so go and watch it now before continuing to read this blog. It will be worth your time.
As a little bit of background: Jonathan Larson was the creator of the Broadway musical Rent. If you don’t know, (at the time that I wrote this blog) Rent was the 11th longest running Broadway show in Broadway history. The musical Rent staged 5,123 live performances from April 29, 1996, to September 7, 2008 (an over 12-year run), at the Nederlander Theatre.
If you are ever in New York City and want to visit Nederlander theater, it is located on 208 W. 41st St., New York, NY. The theatre can be found a little west of Times Square.
The Curse Of Creativity
TTB offers the viewer a week in the life of the very talented but very struggling artist Jonathan Larson, wonderfully played by Andrew Garfield (Yes, Spiderman – And yes, he can sing). TTB shows the sacrifices that he is willing to make in order to be able to create his art. The way that Jonathan is portrayed in TTB is as an artist that has almost no control over his own creativity. His creativity controls him. He has no choice in the matter as he is practically a captive of his own creativity. Sacrifices will be made because they must be made.
We can call it Artistic Collateral Damage – ACD.
Proving this point and without spoiling too much, there is a very emotional and tender scene between Jonathan and his girlfriend, Susan (greatly played by Alexandra Shipp). After a heated discussion between them, Jonathan cannot help himself but be distracted by the creative thoughts in his head. He should be focusing on the “here and now” critical moment with Susan. If you are a creative type, or if you are someone trying to sort out an important aspect of your life, you immediately see the problem with what Jonathan does. We as the viewer immediately know that because of how Jonathan acts in the moment things will not end well with Susan. And yet, at the same time, at this point in the story, knowing what we know about Jonathan Larson, if we were him, if it was us, we would have done the exact same thing.
Such can be the curse of creativity. Dead or Alive, an ACD tragedy for the creative type.
As we watch TTB we learn that Jonathan was driven by his creativity. He was driven by his art. It seems safe to say that his drive was not for money. And it can be argued that he was not driven by fame or fortune either. Success to Jonathan was to complete his work and get it out there so that people could see it and, hopefully, be moved by it. Sure, fame and fortune could come from his work. But other than being able to make a living from his art, that never seemed to be his main goal. Recognition, appreciation and acceptance seemed to be what Jonathan was looking for. “I made this” and having people and his peers appreciating it seemed to be enough for him.
Once Rent went on to become the amazing success that it was, Jonathan was not able to bask in any of its glory or acceptance in the musical theater world. Nor was he able to benefit from any of the royalty checks, either. Many people, in fact, most, if not all of us, will call this a tragedy. It is certainly tragic when someone dies, and even more tragic when they die, seemingly, before their time. So, yes, by most measures that we can think of, the death of Jonathan Larson was a tragedy.
The tragedy of his death exists on so many levels and measures. From what we see of his life, he was a creative genius, and he had the focus and determination to fully utilize his skills and talents. It seemed as though he was determined to drain himself of every last ounce of those skills, regardless of the cost. The too early loss of all of his creativity only adds to the tragedy. So, yes, his death was tragic on so many levels. Except for one measure: The Measure of Impact of Art and Creativity.
A Fate Worse Than Death
As tragic as the early death of Jonathan Larson was, it could have been worse. “Worse?” “How could it have been worse?”, you ask. Yes. It could have been worse. In fact, it could have been much worse. Worse, even though Jonathan knew that he was not feeling well, and even though he was misdiagnosed twice, on two different occasions. We can only wonder that if he was properly diagnosed or sent for further medical tests, Jonathan Larson may not have died on January 25, 1996.
What could be any worse than that? What could be worse than being misdiagnosed and as a result directly die from being incorrectly diagnosed? Not only that, he was left to die a lonely and alone New York City death, only hours before the first public preview performance of his new, and what would become, groundbreaking musical. Now, really! What could be worse than that?!?
By any stretch of the imagination, it can be said that his death was premature and totally unfair. Jonathan Larson died way too young and well before his time. And to add to the tragedy not only did he die so young, his next project, and the project after that, and the one after that, died with him too. We will never know what other great works may have been in the head of the creative genius that was Jonathan Larson. When we think about it, we see that the tragedy of his death only grows exponentially. Yet, that is still not the greatest possible tragedy. That was still not the worst-case scenario.
Then what is the worst-case scenario? What could have been worse? It is quite simple if you stop and think about it. So, wrap your head around this: What if Jonathan Larson died before he finished creating and writing Rent? What if he died before the performance itself was flushed out, rehearsed and ready to be presented to the public? Based on the numbers and the love that so many people, all around the world had for the musical Rent, if it was never finished and never presented to the public, then that would have been the real tragedy.
Tragically, people die all the time. No one lives forever. And so many of us die before we get to finish something, or before we get to resolve some aspect of our life that is in desperate need of resolution. And that is the tragedy of life that we all face. We just seem to, more often than not, take our life for granted. We all seem to think that we have more time. There will be another day. There will be another chance. And yet, and for each and every one of us, the simple math of it is that one day, there will be no more days. One day, there will be no more chances. Knowing and hopefully realizing this fact, what will you do with your time? How will you live your life? “Fear or love…?”
The one tragedy that Jonathan Larson was saved from was that he was, at the very least, able to finish that great thing that he had started. And what a great thing it was! And how lucky were we that he was able to finish what he started, in spite of the fact that he was well past the age of thirty? “Make a wish” – “One (show). Glory” – I think that we can accept the fact that he did get what he had wished for.
Oddly enough, it makes you wonder… it is almost as though he had made a deal with The Devil to get it.. Speaking of which…
Let’s Make A Deal
Most of us are aware of the story, or should we say, the myth of the blues guitarist Robert Johnson. The myth claims that he went down to The Crossroads, met The Devil, and made the “sell his soul” deal that gave him his now, legendary status. If you know anything about The Blues, you most definitely know about Robert Johnson. The myth sticks because it generates questions that we all often think about… If the myth could be true, was the price paid a fair price? If a soul could be sold off where does the break-even point lie? Which then begs for the “fear or love” question: Would you be willing to make the same deal? Perhaps not a deal to sell your soul but, would you be willing to sacrifice “your all” for one song or for one show? Or for one great thing? Simply put, what sacrifices are you willing to make?
None of us want to die before our time. We all want to live healthy, long, productive, and meaningful lives. And we all want to reap the benefits from the fruits of our labor. Most if us are willing to put the work in today for a better tomorrow. Most of us understand that a sacrifice made now will usually lead to some sort of reward in the future. We are able to (at least, we ought to be able to) delay gratification, knowing that putting in the time today will pay us back with dividends down the road. Of course, we cannot ever really be sure of this. Even so, most of us still try to live our lives in this manner. But what if you could know?
What if you could know that something that you are doing right now would be great, but once completed, you will not be around to see it being great? Would you be willing to die before reaping the rewards from the fruits of your labor, but die at least knowing that whatever it is that you have created would be revered and loved by so many people? Would you be willing to die just knowing that you were able to create some one truly great thing? I am sure that most creative types would.
Wait. This is the more realistic question that should be asked: Would you be willing to die, having created something great, but not ever actually knowing that it was great, loved and had a positive impact on so many people? Could you live with that? Or more to the point, could you die not knowing that? Hmm. It is not so easy to answer this question, is it?
What’s The Point?
“Yeah! What is the point?!?” A loaded question, no doubt. But a fair question for anyone to ask. What is the point that is trying to be made here? What is the point of our existence? “Why do we play with fire?” Why are we even here?
The best answer that I can offer and that I will argue in favor of is that we need to live our life, each and every day and as best as we can by making a positive and productive impact for ourselves and for those around us. Easy? No. Crucial? Yes.
We may not need to be as laser focused as Jonathan Larson was. Most of us should be able to live our lives with a little bit more balance. Most of us will probably not become “the future of musical theater”. But that does not mean that we should not be doing or creating something, somehow, great in our lives. Some aspect of our lives does deserve greatness. I will leave that for you to decide what part of your life that may be. But I will implore you to find some part of your life and make it great. Because a life lived without some greatness made by it or caused by it, well, then that would truly be a tragedy. And that is, thankfully, one tragedy that Jonathan Larson was miraculously able to avoid.
Obvious yes, but still worthwhile to be said: As tragically and unfairly cut short as Jonathan’s life was, do not focus on his death. Instead, focus on and be inspired by his life and the amazing legacy that he has left for us.
“Fear or love, baby…? Don’t say the answer…”
“Actions speak louder than words.”
BAM!!! Be A Man! Do The Right Thing.
Be the DtRTy Guy!