Raising Boys to Become Men
If you want to raise your young boy into a man you can be proud of then you must be a role model. Boys will learn more about how to act by watching you than from all the conversations in the world. Remember that both men and women can be good role models. There is a common misconception that women can’t be good role models for men, and that a boy who grows up without a strong father figure is somehow lacking. It is true that boys need good male role models and that an adult male will help a boy learn how to be a man, but adult women can lead them as well.
Whether you are a single mom, single dad, or a couple of any sort, when it comes to raising a boy the goal is to teach your son how to be a good person, and you can show him that there are qualities that a good person must possess, regardless of whether you are male or female.
If you are a single mother raising a son, don’t think that you are are not able to be a good role model for him. Pay attention to who your son idolizes. Boys learn many of the values from the characters or role models that he chooses for himself. Encourage his fascination with super heroes or fictional characters. Understand that these are not just distractions to your son, but guides.
Men and boys as they grow up, come under pressure to conform to ideas of what is manly, but it seems that we live in a time in which our society is not sure what that means. Many of the historical stereotypical male ideals have been attacked and shown to be misogynistic. Ridding them from the ideal of what a man should be is a welcome step forward.
However, some male traits are not bad and not so easy or should be gotten rid of. Now is as good a time as any that we have the discussion amongst ourselves about who and how we we need all need to act and be. BAM! is doing what it can to have that conversation and offer advise and solutions for men to get an idea of who we should be.
Dads, Moms, Parents
Raising an emotionally healthy boy will focus on helping him to learn to manage his feelings. Many of the natural urges of men have been demonized and forced to be suppressed. The male tendencies towards violence and aggression, or a higher focus on physical relationships are some of them.
However, by not providing boys with controlled natural outlets, like playing sports or other rough-housing activities, this often leads to a polarization of how these issues are affecting boys. These hindrances can result in one of two extremes of which neither is beneficial for boys or men.
Some men will rebel against the constraints and become more violent or focused on sexual relationships for example, while other men are taught to feel ashamed of their urges and try to suppress them. Neither of these extremes are acceptable. Neither of these two extremes should ever be the desired outcome.
As a father, it will be your goal to help guide your son. Teach him never to feel ashamed of his feelings, and help him find ways to express them in a healthy way. From a young age, teach him the words for his feelings. “You’re feeling angry because he took your toy”
A competitive urge is a good thing, so help focus feelings of competition towards personal improvement. Keep in mind that boys are more likely to put pressure on themselves to succeed, and much less likely to verbalize the pain and frustration of failure. Boys need to know that lessons can be learned from situations that didn’t work out the way they hoped or planned. Teach them to learn from their mistakes and that not giving up and continually working to improve and get better is what they should be after.
Help Him To Discover What A Man Should Be.
Teach them to be alert and aware of their peers and their effects on the people around them – good and bad – and to know the difference. When it comes to the opposite sex, teach your sons how they are expected to treat the women in their lives. Boys tend to be less emotionally responsive at all ages. Don’t attempt to project a complicated internal emotional life onto them, but teach them how to express themselves so that when they are feeling something, they don’t become consumed and overwhelmed by it.
1. Teach Your Son The Value Of Accountability.
There are far too many examples of men in society who succeed while rejecting responsibility or simply taking the less honorable way to attain their success. They evade or ignore authority, they reject rules and they adhere to immature ideas of what freedom is.
Teach your son to accept and feel good about taking on and fulfilling a role. In order to be a productive member of society, our sons must learn the value of working well with others. Teach them that sometimes more can be achieved with help and working together than can be achieved by going at it alone. And that by working with others that they are, in turn, responsible to the group as well.
2. Help Them Realize The True Meaning Of Independence
Get them to understand that true independence is not only about being able to stand on your own, but also about being able to provide for and help others around them.
Teach them about value and respect and to show respect to all those around them: Their peers (both male and female), their elders, and those in positions of authority.
At home, set fair ground rules and hold your son accountable when he breaks them. This will help him learn to be accountable to others, to himself and to his own ideals.
3. Teach Your Son The Value Of Trust.
This is important: Good men are men who are trustworthy. Teach your son to keep his promises. Teach him the value of being honest with himself about his feelings, and teach him to be honest with those around him. Above all, teach him to value integrity and honor. These aren’t empty ideals, they are the standard that we men must hold ourselves to each and every day. Help your son develop the self-discipline and the self-awareness to do so.
4. Teach Your Son To Be Compassionate.
There is a very real stereotype that men have to be raised to hide their feelings. Teach your son to express his feelings, whatever they may be, but in a healthy way. Teach him the value of kindness, and the value of showing affection and love to his friends and family.
The stronger man is the man who can properly express himself when compared to one who can’t.
5. Remember That Men At All Ages Are Generally More Focused On Physical Communication Than Women Are.
Hug your sons, at any age. When you speak to him, if your son is having trouble focusing, touch his shoulder and look him in the eye. Pay attention to his body language to understand how he is feeling. And while you’re teaching him to become fluent expressing his feelings with words, become fluent in expressing yours with body language. This will help him learn to do the same.
Conclusion
The responsibility to raise our sons fall on both the moms and the dads. We dads need to step up and do our immensely important part. The best way that we can do that is to lead by example. We men must do and be our best so that our sons will see in action, the values and traits that want them to act on too.
What about you? How have you been able to have a positive father-son relationship? Have you had a broken relationship with your son(s) and have been able to bring it back together?
Sons what advice can you offer to dads?
Be A Man – Do The Right Thing. Take Care Of Yourself And Your Family.
BAM!!! Be A Man! Do The Right Thing.
Be the DtRTy Guy!