What Is It That Someone Wants From A Suitor Anyway?
Good question. Let’s look at it from another point of view. Who cares? You will not be able to be of interest to or be able to impress all prospects. Some people are out for specific things that most men will not be able to provide or even be able to offer. If you are trying to chase a Fire-Hot Gold-Digger, well, we wish you luck because along with deep pockets, you’re going to need it. As “fire hot” as they may be, the obvious suggestion is to avoid those like the plague. Unless you’re in the 1-2 Percent Club, give it up. Especially if you want to stay in the 1-2 Percent Club.
Before you can figure out what a potential suitor may want, you need to figure out what you want. I suggest that you start with looking for someone that is a little more realistic and grounded. You need to start with knowing what your purpose in life is and what your values are and what is important to you and then find a group of like minded people before you can start looking for a date. Keep in mind that even from that group, for most of us guys, you will have to ask more than a few prospects on a date before you are able to find one that says yes to go on the first date with you. No matter what you do, some people are just not that into you, in that way. Get over it, get on with your life and then on to the next one.
So, how can you at least improve your odds with the group that you may stand a chance with? A Better question, no doubt. But again, we do not care that others may not be interested in dating us. That is, until we find one that is interested! Super! You found one. But we get ahead of ourselves. Before you even ask someone for date you need to be ready.
Let’s forget about what other people want from dates for a moment. The real question in all social interaction is, “What do people like about other people in general?” This is a better question to be asking, for sure! And an even better question be asking ourselves is what kind of people do other people look up to and respect? Ah-ha! Now we are starting to get to the heart of the matter.
People are people.
Whether it be for dates, or friendship or working together, or playing sports together, or whatever it may be that people can do together, other people, men and women, like people that they can relate to and get along with. Yes, you need to have some people skills. A great book to read about this is, “How to Win Friends And Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. Even if you have read it already, read it again!
You Can Start With Some Manners.
Yes, we are referring to minding your P’s and Q’s as they were once called. You need to be respectful to other people. You need to show interest in other people – genuine interest, even! If you are not the greatest people person, and even if you are, you should make some time to brush up on your people skills (Read or re-read the book!). Having good people skills will benefit you in all aspects of your life where you need to deal with other people and not only with just for dating. Remember! We already said that being good with your groups of people could open some dating doors for you! Be prepared!
People Skills.
Okay let’s say you have those already. Walking around all day saying “please”, “thank you” and “sorry” each and every day is a good start but this is not nearly enough. Besides, the Canadians have the “Sorry” angle covered already. You need something more to offer and to be able to add to a dialog. Simply put, once a conversation does start, any conversation, for that matter, you need to have something to say.
No, memorizing the latest news feed is not at all what is meant here. You need to have a reason for people to want to speak with you. The reason has to be related to something interesting about you. Talking about your latest success with the all the rage video game will only work with a select few date prospects. It would be suggested that you have a few other topics of interest in your bag. The concept here is actually very simple to figure out but may be a little harder to implement.
For You To Be Able To Offer Anything In The Way Of Interesting Conversation, You Need To Have A Life.
If you do not already have “a life”, you had better start with the getting of one! You need to be doing things and of course doing things that are interesting to you, but you should also be doing things that may be of interest to the people that you currently associate with or want to be associating with. A word of warning: You may even have to get out of your house once in a while.
But, really, it is actually not that hard. You just need to be doing some things in addition to whatever it is that you do for work, unless your job is really that interesting or unusual. Figure out what interests you and then find the way or thing to do that can be interesting to yourself and to other people.
Do Something Interesting.
You should be doing something that you are actually interested in. Do not do something just because you think it will be of interest to other people. You need to be doing things that are of genuine interest to you. People will sense feigned interest and that will turn them off of you. If you haven’t figured it out yet, the purpose of this is to draw people in to you due to you being interesting to them.
Yes, the thing that you do can be like a hobby, but not only. It could be as simple as reading a book in a coffee shop or in a busy park. You could join all sorts of classes or groups that do and learn all sorts of things. Not just online. Real things and real places to go to and not just virtual.- Get out of your house and go to another building and interact with people the old school way – face-to-face.
Doing it “for real” gives you two benefits:
- You get to practice your people skills
- The next time someone asks you what you like to do for fun, you will have an interesting answer!
You will have something to say, which means that you will have something to offer of interest about yourself to other people.
Conclusion
With you “having a life” and therefore having something of interest to some other people about you, those some other people will naturally become more interested in you.
More To Go…
In Part 3 of this three part series the questions of “What to bring to the table?” and why is it so important to have “something to offer”, is answered.
Dating Primer For Men Part 2 – You Are Here.
Dating Primer For Men Part 3 – What Do I Need To Bring To the Table? What Can I Offer?
Things To Think About: What about you? What steps have you taken that have led to dating success? What steps did not work?
From the people that have been asked out on dates, what have you learned? What constructive advice can you offer to someone asking you on a date?
Be A Man – Do The Right Thing. Take Care Of Yourself. Be Ready. Be Interesting. Be Prepared.
BAM!!! Be A Man! Do The Right Thing.
Be the DtRTy Guy!